Monday, September 23, 2013

Six pack wedding kinda day...

Literally and figuratively - as I quite possibly need a six pack after all is said and done.  Let me explain, beyond the obvious fact that I had six scheduled weddings today.

But the day started off as a six pack kind of day, even before the six weddings began.  I had an oil change scheduled for first thing this morning ... which went off, mostly, without a hitch except traffic made me a few minutes late.  While there I received a frantic call from the mother of a deceased client, panicking about a court hearing set for Monday (today is Saturday), which her daughter would clearly not be able to attend.  I already have the death certificate and am already prepared to handle it ... and we've already discussed this three times ... but she's sweet, I adore her, and I'm okay with explaining it as many times as I can.  She lost her daughter, after all.  This just makes me sad though, as I was fond of her daughter and am sad that she was so sick she passed away before we could get her case closed and get her some peace of mind.

I had a non-wedding appointment scheduled for late in the afternoon (during a wedding break) and where I need to get documents notarized.  So while waiting for the oil change to be completed ~ I contacted the bank to confirm they have a notary.  They do.  Great!  I offhandedly said, okay see you around 3:30 ... which is when I learned that they close at 1 PM today.  No problem, I thought to myself - okay, I'll just get the person to come to my office at 12:15 after all I don't have any weddings scheduled until 1:30.  Right? 

Wrong.  I probably should have looked at my calendar before reorganizing.  This is when the fun began ... because the first wedding was actually scheduled for 12:30. 

12:10 Wedding #3 (scheduled for 1:30) left me a message confirming their 12:30 appointment.  I returned the call and left a voice mail that there appointment is 1:30 - then crossed my fingers and hoped everyone didn't show up at once.

12:20 no sign of rescheduled non-wedding appointment yet ... but Wedding #1 (scheduled for 12:30) showed up at 12:20 with guests ~ despite scheduling for no guests.  During their ceremony - the construction workers .... 

[Oh, yeah, forgot to mention that upon arrival at the office - the path to the door is blocked, there is a ladder in the doorway, and there are feet hanging down in to the doorway from one of the 2 workers fixing windows, doors, and other things near the room I use for weddings.] 

So, back to Wedding #1 ... During the ceremony one of the construction workers decided to make a cell phone call with his face pretty much pressed up against the window of the room where we held the ceremony.  His conversation continued through the entire ceremony - as did his gawking.  His face no more than 10 feet from the bride & groom.

Non-wedding rescheduled appointment arrived during the ceremony.  I knew this, because noisy construction worker interrupted his cell call to loudly converse with her that I am inside.  He can see me.

Wedding #2 guests arrive at 12:40 ... fortunately, the bride and groom weren't there yet. 

So rescheduled appointment and I run, almost literally, to the bank to get the documents notarized before they close.  Needed to meet with this person about another pending matter, on behalf of my client, but could not do so because of the timing.  At least half the objective was met ... so far ....

Rolled back to the office at 12:57 and welcomed Wedding #2 and their guests.  Wedding went off without a hitch ... except for the fact that for some reason the room I use turned in to a boiling cauldron and sweat was pouring off everyone involved.

Wedding #3 scheduled for 1:30 - arrived on time, having received my voice mail message that their ceremony was actually at 1:30 and not 12:30.  They had the correct number of guests.  The room had cooled some.  Off to a good start ... until mid-ceremony, noisy construction worker decided NOW was the time to pry open that window he had been gawking through and then began scraping paint from the sill. Again, located no more than 10' from the bride & groom and the ceremony under way.

Wedding #4 & #5 arrive on time-ish ... go off without a hitch, other than wedding #4 having guests despite saying there would be no guests when we scheduled their appointment.

Wedding #6 made up for all the "went off without a hitch" parts of the other weddings ... not because anything went incredibly awry other than his insistence (while scheduling) that the ceremony being outside.  I secured a neighbor's courtyard but mother nature had something else in mind - so she provided a complete downpour at his wedding time.  We ended up having the ceremony in the very room I had originall offered.   This was more of a problematic wedding because the groom is quite possibly the highest maintenance groom who has ever booked a wedding with me.   I won't bore you with all the details - but I will hit the highlights.  Wanted an off-site wedding at a time and location I could not accommodate.  Offered to "make it worth my while" - which I cannot do (fee set by statute), will not do, and even if I could - I was not available at the time and location he wanted.  No less than 4 actual phone conversations, 8 voice mail messages, 2 conversations with a different wedding celebrant (because I didn't confirm fast enough while I was out of the office), a drop in visit to my office within 30 minutes of my returning from being out of the office, and 2 more telephone conversations.  Oh, and a voice mail from the bride to be ... while he was dropping in to my office on Wednesday.  All of this took place in a period of 8 days.  Today being the 8th day.  I'll finish the highlights off with this ... too much cologne, not enough money, and patience worn to its thinnest point that I couldn't even muster a fake laugh when he tried to make a joke about being a pain.  

Six pack wedding days - by far the most exhausting, no matter how many actual weddings are involved.

Now, where's my Guinness?!

Friday, September 20, 2013

28 day program

Never a dull moment in this office. Tired of being stood up for weddings, I called to confirm one scheduled for a Saturday (since the bride's friend booked it about 6 months ago and I hadn't heard anything since). I called the friend of the bride who "coordinated" the day/time with me - who "had to call me back because she thought the bride had called and they changed the date?"

Three hours later, the friend calls back with this nugget ... "OK, we don't think his Probation Officer is going to let him out of his 28 day program. He got locked up again and instead of coming straight home, they put him in a 28 day program. She's trying to get him released for a day so we can do this, but now she's thinking maybe <and she suggests a date within that 28 day period>? Maybe the PO will let him out that day, to get married."

Well, (a) he sounds like a catch (which I clearly kept to myself) and (b) it was this moment I chose to suggest, perhaps, they just pick a day after the 28 day program was completed ... so he didn't have to return to the program on his wedding night ... 

Another in a long line of reasons I'm still single ... "catches" like this dude are apparently all already engaged ...