Dear Blurt it Out Groom:

Dear Blurt-it-out Groom:

What on earth possessed you to think, for a second, noticing and saying "you're not wearing a ring, what's up with that?" coupled with "hahaha, always a bridesmaid, never a bride, huh?" was even remotely close to a nice thing to say? Especially moments before I perform your wedding? If only I were responsible for counseling too, your bride may have seen the warning signs and reconsidered. Clearly, that and "guess I have to turn in my player's card now" and "now on to the bachelor party" after I pronounced you husband and wife was not enough of a sign for her.

Sincerely,
Your Wedding Celebrant, who fortunately is not easily offended by asshats.

The Religion of Bridesmaids and Stuff Like That. (UPDATED)

... sometimes, all I have to do is type out the conversation.  This is one of those times.


Her: I just have a question about the justice of the peace and weddings.
Me: Ok. What would you like to know? (answered basics re: cost, etc.)
Her: Do you perform religious ceremonies?
Me: No, I am authorized to perform civil ceremonies.
Her: So that means no bridesmaids and stuff like that?
Me: ... pause ... umm ... no, that's not what it means. It means I am not authorized to perform a ceremony that involves God or whatever religious beliefs you may follow....for that you would need to find a priest, or minister, authorized in Virginia that follows your religious beliefs.

*Who knew there was a religion centering around "bridesmaids and stuff like that"? JUST.WOW.


 UPDATE:  Gee I Do Too!    Jan 18, 2012 12:36 PM

And one of my friends' response to this conversation: Remember in the Bible where it says, "and thou shalt join in matrimony in the presence of no fewer than three ladies in frumpy attire and an even number of men in rented tuxedos"...I think it was in the Book of Inexplicable Social Conventions.

 UPDATE: Gee I Do Too!     Jan 24, 2012 12:13 PM

Remember the religion of bridesmaids girl? Yeah, she just called again to confirm her appointment - and give me a few more nuggets like: "Oh, no, we haven't gotten our license yet - we're going to go on Thursday because I already have Court on Thursday" ... and "I think I'll be more nervous for the big reception we're going to throw this spring, then the small dinner ceremony and actual wedding we're going to have with you" ... and "okay, should I call you sometime and maybe again on Saturday to, you know, see where you are and everything?" ...