And sometimes it's what you don't say, or can't answer ...

It's not unusual to get calls from the courthouse asking if I'm available to perform a wedding on the spot.  Some days, I prefer those kinds of calls/appointments to the ones that schedule in advance and then don't bother to show up, call, cancel, or reschedule.  Many of these no-shows are poached by the crazy internet ministers who stand outside our courthouse just looking for the tell-tale manilla envelope.  Nothing says LOVE more than the manilla envelope.  Except perhaps, the information the Commonwealth includes with the license INSIDE that envelope.  But, that's a story for another day .... 

A lot of times, I don't need to add anything but the actual dialogue of my calls to make them blog-worthy.  Today was one of those days.

Him:  Hi, we'd like to make an appointment for a wedding.

Me: When are you interested in? 

 Him: Right now

Me:  Okay, you can come over to my office.  First, let me just get a little information from you.

Him: Okay

Me: What is your name?

Him: Oh. Hold on ... <and he puts her on the phone to answer>

... seriously?  If he can't answer THAT question, are you sure you REALLY want to marry him?  (No, I didn't ACTUALLY say this to her, but c'mon ... seriously?)

Not a hoedown, but almost a throwdown!

Ever have to avoid someone because of an "almost altercation"? Yeah, me too.

How it all started ... a morning wedding appointment arrived with a typo on their license, so I sent them back to the Courthouse to get it fixed. In the interest of time and not moving the ginormous stroller back in and out of our building, I offered to meet them in the courtyard outside the courthouse for the ceremony.

Upon arriving at the courthouse, I got lost in a sea of folks who were clogging up the courtyard, the steps, the entranceway, the security machine, the metal detector ~ pretty much everything they could. They weren't moving forward, so I skirted through the crowd, said excuse me, and tossed my bag on the belt of the security machine ~ all the while, trying to get out of their way and get on my way. While on my way through the metal detector, I heard "ex-cu-use me" from a woman in a black dress. I spun around and snapped back, "I said excuse me," looked at the deputies who could see I was itchin' to throwdown and smiled ~ she was just SOOOO nasty. I, instead, went on my way to meet up with the other wedding group and didn't give her a second thought.

Until ...

... an hour later, when my next wedding appointment showed up half an hour early.

I threw on my suit, came out of my office, and approached the reception area of our building ... and then I heard that voice ... and saw the woman in the black dress, in all her nasty glory ... and the entire rest of the lollygaggers from earlier. (SIDE NOTE: there were at least a dozen of them, despite the fact that just yesterday - the bride indicated there would be just 4-5 guests - but, I digress). As a mature marriage celebrant, I ducked and scooted down the hallway quickly. Snuck in to my friend's office (who is also, thankfully, a civil wedding celebrant) and begged her to take the wedding for me. We debated the pros and cons and decided it was best for everyone (mostly me) if she just "covered" the wedding in my absence ... and I hid in my office.

Turns out, the nasty lady wasn't the bride ~ and it wasn't just me she was nasty to, as she apparently bossed everyone in attendance around; including the bride, the groom, and everyone else in her path.

They're gone now. I'm safe. There were no throwdowns at the courthouse, or in the courtyard ... and my friend killed her with patronizing kindness. I'd like to think we did the right thing by not ruining the bride's day with the awkwardness of me and her guest throwing down at her wedding. Or did we? I can't help but think, perhaps it would've made the bride, the groom, and the rest of the guests happy to have this woman put in her place ...