Saturday, August 9, 2014

Just confirming the details ...

After confirming her Saturday, 11 am, appointment for the 3rd time ... (and 3 "let me call you back" phone calls to get it scheduled in the first place)

Her: Okay, what time do you want me to call you that day?  is 9 AM good?

Me: Why? Why? Why do you need to call me again?

Her: Just to confirm everything, again, you know that you’re there and everything.

Me: There’s no need to confirm, again, it’s in my calendar.

Me: And, I can promise you I will not be sitting in my office at 9 AM on a Saturday

** NOW, THE KICKER - I'D LIKE TO NOTE - that they showed up 15 minutes late - with 5 guests instead of the 4 I said they could have ... and, had 4+ more guests arrive as I finished up the ceremony who were jumping up and down outside and banging on the door to get in.

So much for all those "just confirming the details" calls.

Friday, February 14, 2014

The glorious life of a wedding celebrant on Valentine's Day

The glorious life of a wedding celebrant on Valentine's Day

I had 12 weddings scheduled for today (as of first thing this morning):

~ Two went off without a hitch and exactly as planned (yes, just one!).  Well, three if you count the one where both sets of parents were snowed in and unable to get flights – but the photographer made it, and that was really what the bride and groom wanted anyway! 

~ Two “oh yeah, I meant to call you and cancel”s when I called them to find out if they were coming. 

~ One absolute no-show/no-cancel/no-return call to the voice mail I left this morning & now the phone is turned off.

~ One case of spontaneous love that came right over (timing was perfect to snag one of the "oh I meant to call you" cancellations).

~ One case of spontaneous love that called for today, then called and changed the appointment to tomorrow, then called back to change it back to today, and then called to say couldn’t get the license and will reschedule because he didn't have his divorce decree.

~ One “we’re running late because they didn’t clear the roads so we haven’t even gotten to the clerk’s office yet and our appointment is for right now.” 

~ One group of +5 guests which magically morphed in to at least +8 (I have a limit of 4 guests because the room is small).

~ One mother of the bride and sister of the bride who couldn't stop talking throughout the ceremony.

~ One parents of the groom showed up 45 minutes early and had to be sent away until wedding time (despite me telling groom that everyone must arrive together as there is no waiting area).

~ One parents of the bride showed up 30 minutes late while the bride and groom got angry/frustrated/and pleaded with me to wait (which I did).  

~ And one couple “running late” which equaled showing up 30 minutes after their scheduled time … and then ... decided they needed more time and called it off ... so kind of turned in to me "having a runner."  Not going to lie, I totally thought I was getting punked - I really looked around for a hidden camera.  They were late arriving (despite having their license from late January) and they came without their guests (despite scheduling with me because I could accommodate up to 4 guests).  They came in, both quite sheepishly and very, very quiet.  In an attempt to ease the tension/lighten the mood, I joked that they were both so quiet.  They both stared at me and blinked wildly and stood silently for what seemed like an eternity - for all three of us.  This opened the door to “well, I’m not sure I want to go through with this today” and me giving them some time to talk it over (after asking at least twice – are you kidding? And, are you serious?).  Again, I honestly thought I was getting punked.  They talked it over and when I went back in to the room they had decided not to go through with it today.  We discussed my availability tomorrow and Monday and they were off to discuss it further.  Seriously, I did not see this coming.  No tears - just very calm, almost stunned, expressions on both their faces and they were off.  It was wildly surreal for me, can't imagine what it felt like for them.

~ All this and not one person in attendance or getting married wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day. 

~ Only one group tipped and that was because the groom “forgot he needed to pay me” and his father told me to keep it when I didn’t have change (as the groom then ran to other “guests” and asked if they had $10 because he could use the extra $10 I was about to get …. his father shoved him out the door and said something like "well, at least he's trying to plan for savings" - I think he was just trying to save face). 

Ended with a grand total of 10 completed weddings today - including the "line-up changes."  I’m exhausted but it’s time to do some actual law office work now … and then home to rest up and hitch some folks together tomorrow.  It’s a shorter day for love tomorrow ….. and while not an actual “runner”, I guess I can no longer joke that I’ve never had a runner before.  Didn’t. See. That. One. Coming!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Up and at 'em ...

Him: Hi, I'm calling for a Justice of the Peace.

Me: Are you calling to set up an appointment for a civil ceremony?

Him: Yes.

Me:  What day and time are you interested in?

Him:  18 February

Me:  And what time are you interested in?

Him:  8 AM

Me: (hardly containing my laughter at the thought of being "together" enough to perform a wedding at that hour ... I am not a morning person) - I'm sorry I'm not available at that time, is there another time you're interested in?

Him: How about evening?

Me: I can do that for you at 6 PM, will you have any guests or will it just be the two of you?

Him: Oh yeah we'll have guests

Me: How many?

Him:  Oh, AT LEAST 10 or more

Me: (again, trying to keep from chuckling) I'm sorry that is a much larger group than I can accommodate here in a law office - you should probably investigate a different venue and then call around to see if a celebrant to is available and willing to go to that venue.

Him: Okay, I'll get back to you.

*seriously cracks me up when people want to bring a ton of people to my office building instead of getting a proper venue for a wedding that size - but even more funny, to me, here - this dude really believes there are 10 or more people who would be up and at 'em to attend an 8 AM wedding (remember that was his first choice on time)?

Curious:  would you want an 8 AM wedding?  would you attend an 8 AM wedding?  And, if your answer is maybe ... under what circumstances would the answer to either question be yes?

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Not sure if I'm tempting the fates, BUT thankful this has never happened before, during, or after one of my weddings ... at least, not that I'm aware of.....

Man Cuts Off Testicles, Delays Wedding

The Huffington Post  |  By Posted:   |  Updated: 09/19/2013 10:25 am EDT
A couple's wedding was delayed after a man allegedly cut off his testicles before storming into a church just an hour before the ceremony was to take place.
The Brentwood, U.K. man was taken to a hospital Saturday shortly after his self-mutilation, according to As a vicar and florist put finishing touches to the church, the unnamed man stormed in, throwing chairs around as he soaked the floor in his blood.
A wedding guest who arrived early told the Brentwood Weekly News that the vicar would not let him enter the church because a man had cut off his testicles with a pair of scissors.
“When I went in the church, I saw something on the floor which I could only describe as flesh, which I thought was part of his arm but that was one of his testicles," the wedding guest said.
After being taken to a hospital, police referred the man to a mental health assessment, according to the Brentwood Gazette.
Despite Essex Police wishing to close the church to further investigate the incident, the wedding went along a half hour later. The bride was not informed what caused the delay until after the wedding.