Monday, October 28, 2013



~ also known as eight valentines day weddings which included two spontaneous cases of "love is in the air"

One off-site at what is becoming my wedding hall of sorts, my favorite local restaurant/bar/hangout, it's like my living room ... and ...

... one on the sidewalk outside because (a) they were late for their appointment - well, the bride and groom were almost on time ~ the mothers, not so much, which required juggling and squeezing them in to a later time slot ... and (b) they were so freaking loud there wasn't a chance I was disrupting the office that much ~ you could hear them in the back of the building even when they were outside!

... the rest of my day included the blurt-it-groom (see earlier blog post, ironically called the Blurt-it-out Groom);

... a groom that decided they would take the half an hour later time slot after booking the earlier one & let me know by voice mail at 8 AM this morning (without asking if that slot was still available);

... three delightful couples so clearly in love that it reminded me why I do this (one of which had many guests and a professional photographer - the other two were "just us" weddings ~ <see blog post by same name> my very favorite kind, the ones where you never have to ask why ♥ ) ...

.... and one guest who couldn't stop telling me how wonderful my ceremony is and how it truly inspired him.

♥ Now, off to treat myself with a beverage that is NOT on my no carb, no sugar, no alcohol diet and then home with my snuggly little valentine pup.

♥ oddly enough both have the same name ♥

Hope today and every day is full of love for each of you!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Six pack wedding kinda day...

Literally and figuratively - as I quite possibly need a six pack after all is said and done.  Let me explain, beyond the obvious fact that I had six scheduled weddings today.

But the day started off as a six pack kind of day, even before the six weddings began.  I had an oil change scheduled for first thing this morning ... which went off, mostly, without a hitch except traffic made me a few minutes late.  While there I received a frantic call from the mother of a deceased client, panicking about a court hearing set for Monday (today is Saturday), which her daughter would clearly not be able to attend.  I already have the death certificate and am already prepared to handle it ... and we've already discussed this three times ... but she's sweet, I adore her, and I'm okay with explaining it as many times as I can.  She lost her daughter, after all.  This just makes me sad though, as I was fond of her daughter and am sad that she was so sick she passed away before we could get her case closed and get her some peace of mind.

I had a non-wedding appointment scheduled for late in the afternoon (during a wedding break) and where I need to get documents notarized.  So while waiting for the oil change to be completed ~ I contacted the bank to confirm they have a notary.  They do.  Great!  I offhandedly said, okay see you around 3:30 ... which is when I learned that they close at 1 PM today.  No problem, I thought to myself - okay, I'll just get the person to come to my office at 12:15 after all I don't have any weddings scheduled until 1:30.  Right? 

Wrong.  I probably should have looked at my calendar before reorganizing.  This is when the fun began ... because the first wedding was actually scheduled for 12:30. 

12:10 Wedding #3 (scheduled for 1:30) left me a message confirming their 12:30 appointment.  I returned the call and left a voice mail that there appointment is 1:30 - then crossed my fingers and hoped everyone didn't show up at once.

12:20 no sign of rescheduled non-wedding appointment yet ... but Wedding #1 (scheduled for 12:30) showed up at 12:20 with guests ~ despite scheduling for no guests.  During their ceremony - the construction workers .... 

[Oh, yeah, forgot to mention that upon arrival at the office - the path to the door is blocked, there is a ladder in the doorway, and there are feet hanging down in to the doorway from one of the 2 workers fixing windows, doors, and other things near the room I use for weddings.] 

So, back to Wedding #1 ... During the ceremony one of the construction workers decided to make a cell phone call with his face pretty much pressed up against the window of the room where we held the ceremony.  His conversation continued through the entire ceremony - as did his gawking.  His face no more than 10 feet from the bride & groom.

Non-wedding rescheduled appointment arrived during the ceremony.  I knew this, because noisy construction worker interrupted his cell call to loudly converse with her that I am inside.  He can see me.

Wedding #2 guests arrive at 12:40 ... fortunately, the bride and groom weren't there yet. 

So rescheduled appointment and I run, almost literally, to the bank to get the documents notarized before they close.  Needed to meet with this person about another pending matter, on behalf of my client, but could not do so because of the timing.  At least half the objective was met ... so far ....

Rolled back to the office at 12:57 and welcomed Wedding #2 and their guests.  Wedding went off without a hitch ... except for the fact that for some reason the room I use turned in to a boiling cauldron and sweat was pouring off everyone involved.

Wedding #3 scheduled for 1:30 - arrived on time, having received my voice mail message that their ceremony was actually at 1:30 and not 12:30.  They had the correct number of guests.  The room had cooled some.  Off to a good start ... until mid-ceremony, noisy construction worker decided NOW was the time to pry open that window he had been gawking through and then began scraping paint from the sill. Again, located no more than 10' from the bride & groom and the ceremony under way.

Wedding #4 & #5 arrive on time-ish ... go off without a hitch, other than wedding #4 having guests despite saying there would be no guests when we scheduled their appointment.

Wedding #6 made up for all the "went off without a hitch" parts of the other weddings ... not because anything went incredibly awry other than his insistence (while scheduling) that the ceremony being outside.  I secured a neighbor's courtyard but mother nature had something else in mind - so she provided a complete downpour at his wedding time.  We ended up having the ceremony in the very room I had originall offered.   This was more of a problematic wedding because the groom is quite possibly the highest maintenance groom who has ever booked a wedding with me.   I won't bore you with all the details - but I will hit the highlights.  Wanted an off-site wedding at a time and location I could not accommodate.  Offered to "make it worth my while" - which I cannot do (fee set by statute), will not do, and even if I could - I was not available at the time and location he wanted.  No less than 4 actual phone conversations, 8 voice mail messages, 2 conversations with a different wedding celebrant (because I didn't confirm fast enough while I was out of the office), a drop in visit to my office within 30 minutes of my returning from being out of the office, and 2 more telephone conversations.  Oh, and a voice mail from the bride to be ... while he was dropping in to my office on Wednesday.  All of this took place in a period of 8 days.  Today being the 8th day.  I'll finish the highlights off with this ... too much cologne, not enough money, and patience worn to its thinnest point that I couldn't even muster a fake laugh when he tried to make a joke about being a pain.  

Six pack wedding days - by far the most exhausting, no matter how many actual weddings are involved.

Now, where's my Guinness?!

Friday, September 20, 2013

28 day program

Never a dull moment in this office. Tired of being stood up for weddings, I called to confirm one scheduled for a Saturday (since the bride's friend booked it about 6 months ago and I hadn't heard anything since). I called the friend of the bride who "coordinated" the day/time with me - who "had to call me back because she thought the bride had called and they changed the date?"

Three hours later, the friend calls back with this nugget ... "OK, we don't think his Probation Officer is going to let him out of his 28 day program. He got locked up again and instead of coming straight home, they put him in a 28 day program. She's trying to get him released for a day so we can do this, but now she's thinking maybe <and she suggests a date within that 28 day period>? Maybe the PO will let him out that day, to get married."

Well, (a) he sounds like a catch (which I clearly kept to myself) and (b) it was this moment I chose to suggest, perhaps, they just pick a day after the 28 day program was completed ... so he didn't have to return to the program on his wedding night ... 

Another in a long line of reasons I'm still single ... "catches" like this dude are apparently all already engaged ...

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Lose my number before you even dial it: You know who you are ...

Someone asked me the other day if I was flattered that people choose me to perform their weddings.  Yes, usually.  Those are the only ones I wish would call and schedule appointments though.  Ones like the couple scheduled for 1 PM today are the ones I wish would lose my number before they even dial it.

Here's why:  1 PM appointment, I had a feeling they weren't coming, so I called them at 1 PM to confirm/determine how far away they were from my office.  (Mind you, the bride scheduled the appointment less than 9 days ago).  I left voice mail asking them to call and confirm they were on their way.  He called back ... from home ... oh, yeah, we're running terribly late.  After some discussion about how terribly late - I said, I could reschedule them for 5 PM after I get back from court.  He then checks with her ... she had ALREADY CALLED AND SCHEDULED with someone else for 5 PM but clearly chose NOT to let me know they weren't coming.  Poor groom-to-be, stuck with someone so selfish ... I couldn't help myself and added "well, she never let me know you weren't coming to your appointment scheduled for right now. I really wish she had let me know because I turned away another appointment because of yours."  Poor dude could only say he was sorry.  I'm actually the one that's sorry, for him, because she clearly hung him out to dry when she had him return my call.  I guess I should be thankful that I didn't waste any more time, waiting.

Thankfully, most of my weddings are happy and delightful and respectful.  Like the adorable couple who came this morning to celebrate their love.  Those are the ones I prefer to remember ...

Friday, June 21, 2013

Consummating ...

Currently my favorite actual voice mail message:

"Hi, this is ---.  We just obtained our marriage license today and we're trying to see if you have availability today or as soon as possible, if we could go ahead and get it consummated."

Friday, June 7, 2013

Missed call ...

Actual message: 

"Hi, this is Love. I'm calling to see if you are available to perform a wedding today or tomorrow ..."

**Caller ID shows a Missed Call from Love. Story of my life ......


Monday, June 3, 2013

I'm thinking if you don't know what to call it. You probably shouldn't be doing it....

Actual message:

"Hi, this is ---. I'm calling to confirm that you are scheduled on --- to officiate our, umm, I don't what that would be considered, but we're getting married with you on ---."

**Another one of those moments I'm glad it was a voice mail, and not an actual conversation or I may have said something like ... umm, yeah, it's called a wedding, duh. I'm scheduled to officiate YOUR WEDDING.


Actual message:

"Hi, this is --, I'm wondering if you're available to do ... a what? ... (then I hear her talking to the fiance' presumably "Babe, what is it a wedding? Is that what it is?") ... okay, yeah, I'm wondering if you're available to do a wedding?"


**I'm thinking, if you don't know what to call it.  You probably shouldn't be doing it.


Friday, May 31, 2013

Dear Blurt it Out Groom:

Dear Blurt-it-out Groom:

What on earth possessed you to think, for a second, noticing and saying "you're not wearing a ring, what's up with that?" coupled with "hahaha, always a bridesmaid, never a bride, huh?" was even remotely close to a nice thing to say? Especially moments before I perform your wedding? If only I were responsible for counseling too, your bride may have seen the warning signs and reconsidered. Clearly, that and "guess I have to turn in my player's card now" and "now on to the bachelor party" after I pronounced you husband and wife was not enough of a sign for her.

Your Wedding Celebrant, who fortunately is not easily offended by asshats.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

JUST US wedding trend ...

I don't usually post links to articles, but this one struck me today ~ so I felt inclined to write about it.

I have performed more than a few of these - funny how people mock them (and often judge what I do) when in all actuality, many of my weddings are what they should be about: the bride & groom ... not the reception, the guests, the invitations, etc.  That's what the celebration party should be for ....  I find the same people that judge these types of weddings are also the kind that prefer "the show" type of wedding.  I perform those as well.  The only difference between me and the church/synagogue/etc. weddings y'all attend - is mine do not include any form of religion.  Mine are SOLELY about the bride and groom. 

* your wedding day should be whatever you want it to be ~ don't do what is expected or what other people want or have ~ unless that is what YOU, the Bride and Groom, want.

Just my two cents.


'Just us' wedding trend: Couples ditch the guests

Getty Images stock
Bride and groom only? Some couples are throwing lavish weddings for themselves, without friends or family.
By Wendy Grossman Kantor, TODAY contributor
Marybeth Eustice had been engaged for six years, having repeatedly pushed the wedding date off. Whenever she thought about planning her wedding, she was overcome by stress. Even deciding who to choose for her bridesmaids seemed like a burden.
Then last November, the couple decided to finally get married — but not invite anyone.
"We just wanted it to be about us," said Eustice, a 29-year-old dental assistant from Orlando, Florida. "At big weddings, I noticed the bride and groom are entertaining the guests and don't get to spend a lot of time with each other — we love spending time together. And, it's really about [us] at the end of the day."
Weddings-for-two, as bridal planners call them, are a growing trend, says Kelly Karli, owner of Frosted Pink Weddings in Vail, Colorado. "It's been popping up more and more," Karli told
Less is more?
With the struggling economy, couples still want to get married — and they want more than a courthouse elopement. Brides want an expensive dress, a beautiful bouquet, a photographer and flowers. But one expense some couples are willing to cut? The guests.
One bonus of planning a "just us" wedding is that you have a lot more leeway in the budget, Karli explained.
"You're able to have a really great dinner and the best filet or the best wine," she said. "You're able to have the wedding that you want."
But the biggest bonus, she says, is that there's zero stress. They don't have to deal with a seating chart, feuding relatives, an uncle who can't eat what's on the menu, or a grandmother who hates the centerpieces.

MaryBeth Eustice
Of her fall nuptials, MaryBeth Eustice said "We just wanted it to be about us."

Courtesy Andrea Eppolito
Andrea Eppolito planned a lavish wedding at the Four Seasons Las Vegas for just herself, her husband, and her baby.
Las Vegas wedding planner Andrea Eppolito loves planning these smaller weddings so much she decided to have one herself this past fall.
"It's one of my favorite trends," said the 35-year-old newlywed. "It's about you, your life, your relationship, and what matters to the two of you. At the end of the day, it's what your marriage should be about."
Eppolito didn't want to have a big reception two months after having a baby – especially since her father isn't able to travel to give her away. But she still ordered an Ulla-Maija couture gown, had her hair and makeup done, booked a florist and selected a lavish menu at the Four Seasons Las Vegas.
Maybe in a year, she said, she'll throw a black-tie reception and invite all the friends and family.
"Then I'll wear a Vera," she says. "Or a Reem Acra."
'You're going to regret it someday'
Still, not everyone's family is on board with the trend. Elementary school teacher Amanda Mace's parents expressed their disappointment at not receiving an invitation.
"I'm their only daughter," said Mace, 33, of Elmira, New York. And although her dad wants to walk her down the aisle, Mace and her fiancé are exploring venues for a no-guest-wedding, ranging from Central Park to the Caribbean.
"My mom and dad's big concern is, 'we're worried you're going to regret it someday,'" Mace said. "I'm kind of a shy person. I don't need the spotlight on me... I want the memory of just the two of us."
Leigh McLeod, 35, watched her sister deal with planning a big reception. The more she thought about it, the more McLeod realized she wanted to be married more than to have an over-the-top wedding.
"I didn't want to wait," says McLeod, a 35-year-old assistant teacher from Columbia, S.C. "I just wanted to be with him."
Last October, McLeod bought a wedding gown, picked a bouquet — and the week after her fiance's divorce was final, they married, just the two of them.
While driving to their venue, McLeod received a text message from her sister with the message: "I'm jealous. I really wish I had done what you're doing."

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

** UPDATE From the Note to Self: Life's Lessons ... (the previous blog post)  **

And the calls continue ...

Hello ###, this is Mr. ### calling.  I left you a message the other day.  I wish you would get back with me.  ## and I have been getting in to some heated discussions.  And we’re just wondering what our options are at this point.  We’re not sure this is going to work.  We’d been having difficulties prior to the ceremony, and, we just, I don’t know, things were going along well. They don’t seem to be going along well now.  And, she’s got a fiery temper and maybe I’m stubborn.  I  would like you to call me back so we can find out - Is there a grace period that we can reverse the marriage ceremony.  I don’t understand.  Please give me a call.  Maybe you can help counsel me in some small way.  I know I sound like I’m panicking, but things aren’t going well.  So I would appreciate if you would call me back, preferably after hours because I can’t take my cell in to work.  If you call me at work, I’ll have to break away or something.  We’re both – we’re kind of stuck – maybe – I don’t know how to express it.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed about all of this and am maybe just not going about certain things in the right way" 

** For the record, he only wants me to call in the evening hours and I have not been available to do so yet ~ I'm not being mean, although there really is NOTHING I can do ... at this point they need to seek legal counsel re: an annulment if they have grounds, or a divorce - there are no "take backs" **

Monday, February 4, 2013

Note to self: Life’s lessons can be learned at any age, even in your 60’s.

Voice mail message: 

“Hi, this is Mr. ### calling.  You performed a ceremony for us on Saturday. I need you to all me back.  ### and I had a serious serious discussion Sunday. And we’re wondering if we made a mistake or not. That’s not to say that we’re not in love or anything like that.  But apparently the discussion got a little heated and words were said. And we were just wondering what the process is, if you haven’t submitted anything yet, for the possibility of revoking what we did. I’m almost embarrassed to say that and hopefully we don’t have to do that … But we would like to know what the process is in case we want to reverse our ceremony. …. We’re both a little confused.  We both have a very, I don’t even know how to say it.  But, please call me back.” 

**Note to Self (and to any brides and grooms to be): it is ALWAYS better to have the “serious serious” conversation BEFORE the wedding.

** FOR AN UPDATE - SEE THE NEXT BLOG POST - There are no take backs! **